Without further ado, the counter-tale:
Once upon a time, in a not-so-faraway land, there was a vast
and powerful kingdom. In that kingdom,
nearly all the girls were princesses and nearly all the boys were princes. The princesses and princes rode around in
huge carriages pulled by dozens of ponies, though they grew very little pony
food in the kingdom. Because they didn’t
like the smell of growing pony food or the sort of people who grew it, the
princes and princesses of the kingdom bought their pony food from all around
the world, and if the growers didn’t want to sell it to them, they would send
their soldiers and force them to. They
wore fine clothes which were made by poor children in faraway lands, but
because these children didn’t live in the kingdom, the princes and princesses
simply pretended they weren’t real, and went about their business, neglecting
to even thank the pretend clothes fairy (known as Walmarta) for the things they
wore.
But not everyone in the kingdom was a prince or princess,
though the princes and princesses liked to pretend that those who weren’t chose
to be paupers and peasants (which doesn’t make much sense if you think about
it). One such person was a little girl
who was very smart and very curious. On
her way home from an underfunded school that couldn’t possibly prepare her for
a competitive marketplace dominated by spoiled princes and princesses, this
girl passed a cottage made entirely of sweets.
Being curious, she stopped to look at it, though she didn’t go through
the gate since she had been taught to be respectful by her impoverished parents.
Little did the girl know that the candy house was the home of
a wicked witch, who cursed the girl for staring at her cottage. From that day forward, the girl required
special potions to keep the curse at bay, though her parents could barely
afford them. They had been paying the
merchants of the kingdom a regular fee before that day in return for their
promise that, if a witch should curse one of them, they could get the potions
they needed, but the merchants closed their shops to them and said the poor
girl had been cursed on a Tuesday, so they didn’t need provide the potion.
Thankfully, the kingdom had a good king who had been elected
by a majority of the people. He also had
kindly advisers and leaders that the people had chosen to watch out for
them. The king and these leaders had
heard stories like the little girl’s and decided to do something about it. The law went forth saying that princes and
princesses would receive only 10 toys on their birthdays rather than 11, and
that the money saved would go to helping poor children and their parents who
had been cursed by witches. Even though the potions provided to the poor children weren't as good as those given to princes and princesses, the parents
of the princes and princesses cried out in a rage, demanding toys for their
spoiled children, but the good king would not back down. The parents went to the judges of the land, who
scratched their wigged heads as they weighed whether the extra toys or the
lives of cursed boys and girls were more important. When the judges decided the cursed children’s lives
were more important, the parents of the princes and princesses vowed revenge
upon the good king, and went to the merchants asking for gold that they could
use to depose him.
To this day, the princes and princesses of that vast and
mighty kingdom still have fine clothes, still ride about in great carriages
pulled by too many ponies, and still receive heaps of toys and treats for their
birthdays, but the poor children who have been cursed by wicked witches now get
the potions they need, and the merchants cannot keep them from them no matter
on what day of the week they were cursed. Despite their lack of carriages,
treats, and toys, the poor children and their parents are happier.
